The Worst Book You'll Ever Read (for some it may be the best idk)
by TheMoonCake
Summary: Do you hate cliches and retarded Mary-Sue books? Then you should NOT read this book! This is the story of Silver Rose Beatific - okay, I really don't remember. You get the gist. Her name is long and unique. ANYWAY. This is her story. WARNING: After reading, you may have to wash your brain or something to flush the memory of reading this book out. It's that horrific. T for swearing.


Hi, my name is Silver Rose Beatific Luvvly Artemis Winter Shiny Xoxo, but most people call me Happy – because that is completely irrelevant to my name and apparently nicknames these days are not supposed to relate to your name. I hate my life. I live in a crapshack with my dad, who I also hate, because he never pays attention to me. And that is definitely not because he's busy working so I can keep my ass in school. Speaking of school, the one I'm enrolled in right now is my sixteenth high school. Because I'm too badass and blew up all my previous schools. No biggie.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be listening to my Latin teacher, but I'm a certified delinquent with my ADHD, dyslexia, and depression (because my dead-beat dad doesn't drown me with gifts) – no, I'm serious. I've even gotten booted out of my delinquent school before. So anyway, since everyone knows I have issues, I have the green-card to daydream in class and set fires to the science lab benches without getting in a lot of trouble.

"Miss Xoxo," my Latin teacher, Mr. Chiron the Centaur said.

I blinked innocently and my foot-long eyelashes fluttered as I did so. "Yes, Mr. Chiron the Centaur?" Oh, I forgot to mention – I'm also a teacher's pet to my Latin teacher, because he seems to be the only one who understands me. But to the rest of my teachers, I'm a total prick to them – but they still don't call me out for my badass pranks because they know I have issues.

"Do you know the answer to the question?" Mr. Chiron the Centaur asked me, his fatherly brown eyes staring back at me with hope – like he knew I was going to be a heroine when I grow older, or more specifically, in a few days.

A girl with hideous hair and a butt for a face snorted from in front of the room. "Yeah, like _she_ would know the answer." Bully Of'thebook. I hated her guts. My blood boiled at her comment, and I felt tears springing to the corners of my eyes. But I was careful to not let any of those tears escape, because I'm a big girl. And big girls don't cry.

"Um," I stuttered, glancing over at Rover Overtree – my only friend and my sidekick.

"Glitter!" She whispered at me.

I nodded and repeated the answer to Mr. Chiron the Centaur.

"Good job, Happy." Mr. Chiron the Centaur congratulated me. "Your answer seemed to satisfy me, even though it made no sense whatsoever. But since you are the star of the show – or, well, the main character in this book, you will always proceed in life smoothly. Until some monster tries to eat you. But still, you will defeat said monster and become a heroine."

I giggled and clapped gleefully. Then, I quickly cleared my throat because wannabe-badasses and losers like me don't giggle. Giggling is for girly-girls only, and I hate girly-girls because I'm a tom-boy and that's what tom-boys do.

Class was dismissed a second later, because in our entire Latin lesson the teacher only gets to ask one question.

Rover and I walked down the hallway and stopped at my locker to get my stuff and head on home. Rover never gets to go to her locker, because she's my sidekick and she can never leave my side.

Loud giggles came into range of my superhuman hearing. Curious, I whipped my around to look at the source of the giggles, my glorious silver curls waving in the air like they belonged in a shampoo commercial. I saw them. Twelve beautiful boys and girls strolling down the hallway. They all had this godly aura to them, and the males all looked like replicas of Adonis, while the females all looked like those Barbies all little girls had when they were younger (except for me, because my dad and I are dirt poor so I never got to play with a Barbie and therefore missed a huge milestone in my childhood).

"Hey Hermes, let's go play a prank and possibly endanger all the students in this school!" A blonde guy in the group of beautiful people said loudly.

"Shh stupid brother," a girl with luscious dark brown hair glared at the golden dude. "We can't let the mortals know who we really are!"

"Yeah," a guy with short brown hair holding a trident spoke up, "They can't know that we are the twelve Olympians who turned into teenagers so we can frolic around in the high school hallways and pick up mortal teenagers who just so happens to be our kids!"

Deciding that their conversation was boring and not worth my time to eavesdrop on, I tuned them out and followed Rover out the school gates.

Suddenly, a bull-headed dude came out of nowhere and roared in my face.

I know I should be scared shitless, like Rover was right now, but a strange surge of heroism and bravery coursed through my veins and I roundhouse kicked the horn off that motherfucker. The monster died and I grabbed his horn and tucked in my pocket – because I liked collecting little pieces of my enemy's bodies.

After that little delay, Rover and I hailed a cab. There were three drivers in the cab. Hm. Seems a bit out of the ordinary, but they were fast at driving so I was completely fine with the fact that they were arguing over the only eyeball they had.

It wasn't until we were half-way to Long Island when I realized that I still hadn't told them where I wanted to go.

"Hey, I want to go home." I said to the three crazy old hags. Of course they'd know where my house was without me telling them the address. They had to. It was in their minor-character job description to serve me with no question. If they asked questions, they were probably evil and I would then have to hack off their heads.

The old hags simply cackled at me and said some strange things about how my home was burnt down and my dad was dead so they were going to drive me to Camp Half-Blood – whatever that was. I didn't care that my dad had died, but I knew it was going to be a good sob-story to win over a guy I was destined to meet at the camp I was going to, so I stored the death of my dad in my head.

"We're here!" The hags cried. I got out of the car with Rover and stared at the green rolling hills.

"Huh." I said.

Rover seemed to know what she was doing, as she threw away her crutches and took off her shoes and pants.

I'm shocked and grossed out because my best friend was a goat. "What- what is this? What are you? What am I? What-" Before I could ask any more retarded questions, Rover gave me a look.

I sighed. Yeah. I kind of already knew she was not human. I mean, the first day I met her, she was eating a trashcan. Also, I've always thought the two horns growing on her head were a bit fishy.

"Okay, let's go to that big pine tree over there," I said, pointing at a big pine tree in the distance, "because that seems to be a gate into the magical camp we are supposed to go to."

Rover nodded obediently and we walked over to the tree. When I walked in, I saw the camp. It took my breath away with its beauty. But before I could really focus on the beauty of the camp, my attention latched onto a very hot and mysterious looking boy. He looked to be around thirteen – three years younger than me, had next-to-no muscles at all, and his skin was white and pasty. But nonetheless, I knew it was love at first sight.

"Hey Happy I'll take you to meet Chiron-"

I interrupted Rover by shoving her into a nearby trashcan with my ridiculous strength, and I skipped over to the thirteen-year-old kid.

"Hey luvlay," I purred, even though I had no experience with guys – ever. I giggled at the adorable frightened look on the boy's face. "What's your name, sweetness?" I asked, trailing finger down his bony chest.

"Um, uh," he stuttered. He was obviously very nervous because of my flirtatiousness. Before I could react, the boy whipped out a whistle and blew on it – hard. A sharp noise erupted from the whistle.

I frowned. "Huh?"

Suddenly, a giant whale came out of nowhere, plowing through some cabins and came to a stop right next to us.

I scrunched up my brows attractively and stared at the boy in confusion.

He blushed, "Oh, sorry, wrong whistle." He held up a finger for me to wait while his other hand fumbled in his pocket. He pulled out another whistle and blew on it.

We waited for five minutes.

Nothing happened.

"What was-" Before I could finish, I was cut off by a loudspeaker.

"Stop!" A girly voice cheered. I hissed. It must be a cheerleader – my nemeses. Like all losers, I have a personal vendetta with cheerleaders and blondes.

I turned around, ready to diss the cheerleader when I saw a group of them standing in front of me – each holding a loudspeaker and million watts smiles donned their perfect faces.

"Don't touch me there!" They cheered, "That is my no-no square!"

"Huh?" I said, cocking my head to the side and frowning adorably.

"R-A-P-E! Keep your hands away from me!" They cheered in unison. I looked over at my future hubby, but he had escaped. Damn.

I turned back to tell off the cheerleaders, but they had vanished too. Confused more than ever, I stalked off to go find food to eat (because like all attention whores, I've announced on Facebook and Twitter and to everyone walking by about how much I love food). But of course, I still stay as skinny as a stick because – duh – I'm the main character.


End file.
